Mibu TimesDispatch
by BarbaraSheridan
Summary: The Shinsengumi start a newspaper--Trust me you will laugh or at least be relatively amused
1. Default Chapter

(this is an idea MissBehavin and I came up with. It might be considered something of a Rurouni Kenshin/Peacemaker Kurogane crossover. We  hope you find the first issue as amusing as we did. Be on the look out for the post-Revolution Meiji Journal out of Tokyo

Comments and suggestions are welcome and encouraged. Usual disclaimer. We don't own Rurouni Kenshin or PeaceMaker Kurogane.)

The Mibu Times Dispatchby

BarbaraSheridan & Miss Behavin

Volume 1.1

Welcome to this first full sized issue of the Mibu Times/Dispatch brought to you with a grant from the Shieiken Dojo Foundation. 

While this publication will be used to update new Mibu citizens on matters close to home and barracks, we here at the Times/Dispatch want you to think of this as _your_ newspaper, _your_ voice, _your_ calm, supportive and totally unbiased anchor in the bloody streets of Kyoto (streets made bloody by the likes of the Choshu scum who refuse to adhere to the values set forth by our illustrious Shogunate).

In addition to the latest news we hope to bring you public service announcements, advertisements from reputable local businesses, employment listings and, if Miss Yamazaki can be convinced to come out of the kitchen long enough to share her feminine wisdom, an advice column to  help you with those little problems that at times can seem totally overwhelming (such as having to deal with co-management who think they're more capable of running certain security organizations than those whom the Daimyo appointed personally).

Again welcome to the Mibu Times/Dispatch.

Yamanami Keisuke

--- Times/Dispatch editor-in-chief and financial columnist

Second Vice-Chief Shinsengumi

  
  


# # # # # # # # # #

_Local news:_

Recently the officers and men of the Shinsengumi marked the first anniversary of the day they were welcomed  by the citizenry of Kyoto and the surrounding areas. According to Chief Kondou Isami "We are most honored to have been chosen as Defenders of Kyoto and we wish the citizens to know that they can come to us any time of the day or night to seek help. It has been a memorable year and we thank our neighbors for accepting us with open arms."

On an unrelated note Chief Kondou is asking for references for local window repair and graffiti removal services. Project bids currently being accepted at Shinsengumi headquarters, Mibu.

# # # # # # # #

_Other news:_

A conservation minded citizen who chooses to remain anonymous has reported to the Times/Dispatch that while traveling some time back he witnessed a group of young thugs slicing down trees for no apparent reason other than their own twisted sense of amusement. The worst offender appeared to be a young lad of no more than fourteen summers who gleefully sliced through trunk after trunk with his katana. 

When the citizen tried to speak with the male adult who appeared to be the boy's guardian, he was greeted with a rude bout of obviously feigned coughing. Taking the hint the concerned citizen continued on his travels. He planned to return to that area soon on business and had hoped to take the matter up with local officials but has decided to postpone his trip due to the recent onset of an unexpected  respiratory ailment.

(Note from the editor-in-chief) Rest assured dear citizens that we of the Shinsengumi will not tolerate such lack of disregard for the natural beauty of our local flora and fauna in _this_ Han. (Anyone attempting to deface public property will be dealt with accordingly.)

# # # # # # # # # #

_Pubic Service Bulletin:_

Runaway child report:

 The missing child ran away from home approximately six months ago following an argument with his adoptive father, a potter from the Edo area. The boy's name is Himura  Shinta sometimes called "Kenni" He is of slightly below average height and build with reddish brown hair and a generally bad attitude. He was last reported in this general vicinity in the company of a band of older men. His father reports that he is rather immature for his age and that he believes these "older men" may have coerced his son into following them for purposes of an obscene nature. Anonymous information on this child accepted care of this newspaper.

# # # # # # # # #

_Lost & Found:_

Lost kitten. Orange with green eyes. Belongs to a close friend who is heartbroken. Accidently let it out when returning to barracks and it ran off. If found, please contact the Captain of the 2nd Unit. _(Repeat of ad from issue 1.0)_

# # # # # # # # # # # #

_Found‑‑sort of_

Umm, I saw that cat. It's ...not around anymore. Let's just say it involves

a spear, twenty Ishin men and the kitten in close quarters in the alley behind the all‑night soba place. Ummm. I'll help you get a replacement pet for your friend.  Sorry.

---Harada

# # # # # # # # # #

_Official Notice_

Internal Regulation Addendum:  Company Funds shall not be diverted for _any_ reason not even to pay for replacement pets. Punishment will be Seppuku. This includes "pets" that might be considered future bacon should our food supplies run low.

--‑Hijikata Toshizou,

Vice-Chief

 # # # # # # # # #

_Personal ad:_

I'm new to the area and would greatly appreciate any information regarding the all‑night soba restaurant mentioned in the lost and found column in last week's edition of this newspaper as I have been having late night cravings for this particular snack.  Contact : Saitou Hajime, Shinsengumi Headquarters

# # # # # # # #

_ Notice from the company cook:_

The Thursday evening "Soba Social" main entree will have to be replaced with rice and miso soup. Someone broke into the kitchen late last night and stole all the soba I made. Suspect(s) description as tall, thin, with long dark hair (pulled back) and stringy bangs in face. His features could not be seen clearly but he appeared to have amber wolf‑like eyes.  He is alternately described as a man of average height and build with medium length dark hair (pulled back) "normal bangs" and wearing a black kimono and carrying prayer beads. If you have info please send word care of the barracks kitchen.

Yamazaki Ayumu

**# # # # # # # #**

_Notice of Fundraiser_

The Kyoto town council invites you to an all day bake-sale and GO tournament in the courtyard of the Ikeda-ya  to raise funds for the street cleaning department. We are also taking donations of large brooms, sturdy bags (approximately body sized) and large quantities of soap and bleaching agents suitable for pavements and streets. Donations are also being accepted for the Ikeda-ya Travelers' Aid Fund as there has been an influx of country Samurai passing through who have fallen upon hard times and are unable to continue on to their original destinations.

We at the Ikeda-ya have been proudly doing our civic duty to help these wayward travelers but outside help is greatly appreciated.

# # # # # # #

_Employment opportunity:_

Wanted: Laundress, used to long hours, and dealing with large quantities of heavily soiled and stained garments. Must be reliable and not prone to squeamishness at the sight of blood. Lots of blood.

Apply, Chief Kondou's office. Shinsengumi HQ, Mibu                    

# # # # # # # #

_Notice_

Seeking suspect for questioning in the shoplifting of five bottles of White Plum Perfume. Anyone with information on a dazed woman wandering streets muttering "You, you made the rain bleed....You…" 

Contact:  Saitou

 Capt 3rd Unit Shinsengumi

_Addendum: _

On second thought contact Toudou Heisuke 

Capt. 8th Unit

# # # # # # #


	2. vol 2

(this is an idea MissBehavin and I came up with. It might be considered something of a Rurouni Kenshin/Peacemaker Kurogane crossover. We  hope you find the first issue as amusing as we did. Be on the look out for the post-Revolution Meiji Journal out of Tokyo

Comments and suggestions are welcome and encouraged. Usual disclaimer. We don't own Rurouni Kenshin or PeaceMaker Kurogane.)

tc ""

The Mibu Times Dispatch

>

BarbaraSheridan & Miss Behavin

Vol. 2

I would like to take a moment to remind the good citizenry of Kyoto to please _use caution_ when trying to gain admittance to the Shinsengumi Headquarters.  Our squad leaders and members are very diligent about answering calls for assistance and reports of crimes and they may not always be able to see you loitering outside the front gate (especially if your height falls below that of their waist).

While our members take every effort to proceed with caution when answering an urgent call sometimes accidents _do_ happen and civilians might be injured, however slightly. Should something like this occur to you or someone you know please do not hesitate to file a report with our insurance claims division in Aizu.

Yamanami Keisuke

Editor-in-Chief Mibu Times/Dispatch

2nd Vice-Chief, Shinsengumi

# # # # # # #

Dear Editor:

I am writing in regards to an article in your last issue. The article in question concerned an alleged runaway by the name of Himura Shinta a/k/a "Kenni".  I wish to assure this newspaper and your readers that young Himura is by no means a runaway. The boy in question is in fact seeking refuge with my extended family after being severely mistreated by his abusive, sake addicted adoptive father, who tried to keep him a prisoner in a secluded mountain retreat.

Kenni is currently in my employ (part time of course considering his tender age) as a page and spends much of his time studying kendo and the shamisen under the tutelage of an old family friend Sensei Takasugi.

Sincerely,

Katsura K.

# # # # # # # # # # 

Local News 

The Fifth Unit under the command of Captain Takeda Kanryuusai was ambused  late Sunday evening while on routine patrol.  Witnesses report that twenty squad members were killed by a single assailant alleged to be the reputed serial killer Hitokiri Battousai.

While this reporter finds it hard to believe that twenty of our elite troops could be killed by a single man we are investigating each and every lead.  Citizens are encouraged to some forth with any information no matter how insignificant it may seem.

# # # # # # # #

_Employment Notice:_

The Shinsengumi currently have openings for twenty (20) men skilled in sword handling and general law enforcement duties. Quick reflexes required, good personal hygiene and basic attractiveness encouraged.

Apply to: Takeda Kanryuusai, Capt. 5th Unit

# # # # # # #

_Important Notice From the Vice-Chief:_

I found pig droppings in my futon. NO animals will be allowed inside my quarters from now on, regardless of Who they belong to.

-Hijikata

_# # # # # # #_

_Advertisement:_

Morimoto's   Soba Emporium and Sake Bar is now open 24 hours to better serve the needs of Kyoto's third shift workers and public servants. 

Inquire about our frequent customer discounts and delivery service.

_# # # # # # #_

New Column:

Hello and welcome to the first installment of "Ask Ayu-nee"----the Column that Cares. I am Yamazaki Ayumu a long time Kyoto resident and current barracks cook for those wonderful brave men of the Shinsengumi. 

Yamanami-san asked me to do this column as it seemed people were always wandering into my kitchen and asking for advice on one thing or another. Please feel free to write me about whatever is bothering you and I'll do my best to help.

Let's start with the mail that's arrived so far…

_Dear Ayu-nee,_

_I have a strange fascination with my siste'sr clothes. I can't get_

_ enough of wearing them, ,luckily I've managed to incorporate my hobby_

_ seamlessly into my daily job but I'm afraid that might change _

_soon when I go on the night shift and have to wear a dull black( no yummy silk components involved)  uniform. Can you offer any advice? _

_---Nobody's brother._

Dear Brother--

I _strongly_ suggest that you find some other way to enjoy your hobby because 

sisters do not like going to pick their favorite pink kimono for a date 

with a certain eighth squad captain only to find that it has questionable stiff, dried stains below the waist!

_Dear Ayu-nee_

_All of my men are Ahous. What should I do?_

_-----WolfMan_

Dear Wolfie:

Ahou Soku Zan. 

_Dear Ayu-nee_

_I run an elite group of samurai. I trained most of them. but I find i get no one's respect. They treat me like a kindly old man when I'm not much older than they are. What should I do?_

_-Big Boss_

Dear Boss:

 I don't wish to be cruel but this sounds to me like a situation of your own making. Do you defer judgment to your second in command? Do you arrange outings and harmless recreational activities for the men much like a friend would do or do you rule them with an iron fist no matter what?

I think you can turn this situation around but it won't be easy. You may have to resort to _tough love_ and that meansSeppuku----For Them! (except maybe for certain third and eight squad leaders)

_Dear Ayu-nee_

_I am currently employed by an independant security firm here in Kyoto. Part of my duties include repelling certain competitors of my employer but a fanatical government sponsored faction keeps getting in my way._

_How can I get them to leave me alone and let me do my friggin Job?! To be honest we are both working towards the same goal but looking at matter from different perspectives._

_-Red_

Dear Red, 

I've always been fond of the kindness kills approach,

be friendly to your opponents, invite them out for a cup of sake (well maybe not the tall ones with the narrow eyes), be a pal, make them see how alike you are and how much your job means to you. I'm sure with a little give and take on both sides you'll find common ground eventually.

# # # # # # #

_Notice:_

 Meeting of Shinsengumi financial committee has been moved up to _this _Friday morning to discuss excessive amount of company funds spent on sword sharpening equipment. 

----Hijikata

_Local News:_

There was a break-in last night at the Mitsubishi warehouse complex in the city's south end. The investigating unit fell that the burglar must have been a youth or small statured adult as the means of entry was a narrow window in the building housing stock slated to be delivered to Keyaki's Womenswear and Cosmetics Outlet. 

A quick inventory showed that the burglar attempted to make off with numerous cases of White Plum Perfume but only managed to get a few bottles. Most of the merchandise was recovered a short distance away though one of the cases was damaged causing some of the contents to spill on the investing unit's caption one Hajime Saitou.

# # # # # # #

_Other Local News_

 A number of Shinsengumi members of the Third Unit were officially reprimanded for verbally harassing their direct superior by "making jokes" about his "Smelling as fresh as a just picked white plum".

Coincidentally that night a fire broke out in the barracks housing the men of the Third Unit.  An anonymous witness reported seeing a black clad man hurrying from the scene muttering "The heat will kill them...."

Further official investigation is pending.

# # # # # # # # #

_Dear Ayu-nee, _

_I relocated to Kyoto following the death of my fiancé at the hands of an unknown mugger. I'm a girl used to nice surroundings and the finer things in life but since coming here the only job I could find was as a *groan*_

_maid to a bunch of smelly swordsmen at a small futon and breakfast. _

_As if that isn't demeaning enough now I'm being told I have to babysit a fifteen year old kid to keep him off the streets and out of trouble. This is worse than having to look after my obnoxious little brother! Help! _

_----Plum Crazy in Kyoto_

Dear Plum 

We all go through frustrating times in our lives. This kid might not be all that bad once you get to know him. My advice is to just grit your teeth, go along with your boss's wishes, and try to make the most of it!  And don't jump in front of any swords no matter how trying it gets!


	3. vol 3

Thank you so much for the reviews! We're glad you're enjoying this. Jus to clear up something Okita's cat Buttons was not eaten. J           

Mibu Times-Dispatch

by

BarbaraSheridan and Miss Behavin

_Vol 3_

_To the Citizens of Kyoto from Chief Kondou:_

We of the Shinsengumi take our appointment as the Defenders of Kyoto very

seriously and I assure each and every one of you that we are a well-disciplined, highly moral group of men despite the recent actions of one of our former administrators Serizawa Kamo and his minions.  

Vice-Chief Hijikata and I extend out most sincere apologies and assure you that a thorough investigation has been completed and appropriate punishment handed down.

_Aku Soku Zan_

# # # #  # # # # 

_Editorial: A Fond Farewell_

It is with deep regret that I must resign my post as editor of this newspaper as well as  resign my commission in the Shinsengumi, due to irreconcilable differences in the running of this organization. 

Chief Kondou has agreed to step in until a new editor can be found.  My best to you all.

Yamanami Keisuke

Editor-in-Chief

# # # # # # # # # # 

_Notice:_

Company commanders are reminded that copies of the Internal Regulations MUST be

posted in each company's quarters. You are encouraged to go over these regulations on  a weekly basis and I strongly advise you to emphasize 

Articles 1 & 2

_Article 1: Everyone shall behave according to Bushido at all times._

_Article 2: Desertion shall not be permitted._

---Hijikata

# # # # # # # # #

_Dear Ayu-nee,_

_My life is a mess and I can't stand it!  My parents were killed a few years back and I've been living with my older brother who is the worst! He makes me sleep in a closet. He's always lecturing me and shoving me on the ground and accusing me of doing something bad even when I'm totally innocent.  I thought things would change when he got a new job in the finance office of a local paramilitary group and I decided to apply too, to show him that I really am grown up. What a mistake that was! The job is a dead end and what's worse is my boss! The man is an absolute demon and nothing I do is ever good enough to suit him! _

_If that's not bad enough the guys here treat me like I'm some kind of a freak just because I'm a little short for my age. They tease me constantly and act like I'm some kind of personal pet. I do have one friend among them but he's always busy working, he hasn't been feeling well and even though he doesn't say anything I think he's having problems with his "significant other"._

_Oh, wait, Ayu-nee it gets even worse!  There's this guy (my age) who works here too and for some reason I can't stop thinking about him. He does a lot of undercover work and sometimes he has to disguise himself as a woman and when he does he's so freakin' kawaii I can't stand it! Lately I've been having this dream where I'm walking down the street and he's dressed like a  girl and he grabs me and drags me into an alley and...._

_Well, let's just say that the past few nights I'm kind of glad my brother makes me sleep alone in a closet._

_The bad part is that it's hard trying to explain why I need clean sheets every day..._

_Can you help me? Will things ever get better?  Do those dreams mean I'm-----gay?_

_-----Don't call me Puppy-kun!_

Dear Pup,

This is quite a complicated set of events and I do sympathize. However, I think the best advice I can give would be in person and I encourage you to send me a note c/o this paper to arrange a private meeting.

# # # # # # # #

_Full Page Notice:_

_Attendance is Mandatory_ for Captain Harada's lecture tomorrow

evening--My Brush with Seppuku and What it Means to You. 

There will also be a quiz on the Internal Regulations.

# # # # # # # # # #

_This Just In:_

Yamanami Keisuke, formerly with the Shinsengumi was found dead this morning of

an apparent suicide. No details are available and an official investigation is under way.

# # # # # #  # # # #

_Official Notice:_

_All_ members are _Strongly Encouraged_ to attend the memorial service for Captain Okita Souji's cat Buttons tomorrow noon at Mibu Temple. While special dispensation will be granted to those members scheduled to be on patrol such members are expected to offer their condolences to Captain Okita immediately following the end of their shift.

 -----Hijikata

# # # # # # # # # #

_Addendum to Official Notice:_

All rumors circulating in the compound concerning the demise of Captain Okita's cat Buttons shall cease immediately as it is upsetting my Souji. _The cat was not eaten _by anyone. It was merely caught in the crossfire of Captain Harada's skirmish with Ishin scum while it attempted to jump up and play with the

fuzzy ball thing on his uniform.

----Hijikata

                         # # # # # # #

Dear Editor:

It has been brought to my attention that I have been slandered in your publication. I refer to the recent letter by one Mr. (Or Miss) Katsura concerning my runaway adoptive son and kenjutsu pupil Kenshin Himura. 

I have never abused Kenshin in any manner. I rescued the boy from slave traders and gave him a stable home as well as instruction in the great Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu--- Instruction which he clearly did not appreciate as he ran off before his training was complete.

I'm certain that those of you with teenagers can understand how it is when your child falls in with the "wrong crowd"--- in this case a bunch of older left wing political extremists . I tried my best to talk sense into the boy but he refused to listen so that I had no choice but to let the little shit choose his own path and learn from his mistakes.

As far as allegations of my alleged "sake addiction" I will have you know, Katsura K. that I drink no more t han the average citizen. And since when is it a crime to enjoy a cup of fine sake to help one relax?  Again, those of you with teenagers can surely appreciate this simple pleasure I allow for myself.

Should anyone be in contact with my son please tell him that I have not permanently closed the door to him he has only to seek my guidance and I will be there.

Sincerely,

Hiko Seijuro

                        # # # # # # # # 

_Advertisement:_

The AOIYA restaurant and Inn is now open for your dining pleasure.  Come sample our Grand Opening Lunch and Dinner Buffet Specials!

We would like to assure you that contrary to certain false rumors currently being circulated by our competitors *cough* Ikeda-ya *cough* we are a legitimate business and not a front for a subversive shinobi organization.

                         # # # # # # # 

_Note from the Interim Editor:_

Since many readers have requested a personals advertisement column we have decided to give it a trial run beginning with the next issue. Ad placement is free and there will be a nominal fee for private reply boxes at the barracks post office. We respectfully ask that you keep your ads as "clean" as possible as this is a family newspaper.

                         # # # # # # #

_Dear Ayu-nee:_

_I am a member of one of the most respected units of a local law enforcement agency and while I take great pride in my unit I am concerned with the way our Captain treats us. He is a rather intolerant man whose personal code of Aku Soku Zan leaves no room for even the simplest human error. I hesitate approaching his immediate superior as they seem to be cut from the same mold.  Can you offer any advice? Transferring to a new job is out of the question, I'm afraid._

_Nervous_

Dear Nervous:

Perhaps your Captain is under a bit of stress. I know that the crime rate has been steadily rising and it's quite possible that your superior's superiors are giving him a hard time. Please hang in there and keep me posted.

                          # # # # # #

_Employment Opportunity_

There is an opening for a skilled, non nonsense swordsman in the Third Unit. 

Send letters of application to Shinsengumi Headquarters Attention Captain Saitou.

                          # # # # # #

_Official Notice:_

Interested citizens who may have come to earlier meetings concerning the latest Shinsengumi Recruitment Drive are encouraged to come back for the next round of information sessions.

It seems that Captain Saitou slightly overstated the dangers associated with our organizations. The probability of being slaughtered by a single Ishin hitokiri is far smaller than the good captain may have led you to believe and while our Internal Regulations are rather stringent they are by no means an automatic death sentence for even the slightest infraction.   

Future meetings will be overseen by Captain Nagakura of the Second Unit and a nurse will be in attendance should we have anymore fainting incidents. 

                         # # # # # # #

_Dear Ayu-nee, _

_It's Plum again, I've been holed up here in the middle of nowhere with the boy wonder for weeks_

_now and he's been looking at me like he wants to...you know,  play house "for_

_real"...Ewwwwwwww. What do I do now?_

_ Plum Crazy but not in Kyoto_

DearPlum,

Just sit the young man down and explain gently but clearly that you're flattered by his attention, but that you're not interested in him that way. Remind him you're only doing your job. 'm sure he'll understand.... It's not as if he's violent or anything, right?

 P.S. Perhaps if you have a brother he might help set this young man

straight.

                          # # # # # #

_Dear Ayu-nee, It's Red, remember me :-) _

_The job thing has settled down a bit and now I'm on an out of town assignment, the problem is y roommate. She's an older woman and I think Im in love with her, well maybe not love but efinitely lust, *blush* She's really hot in a dazed sort of way and well, I'm not as experienced as ou might think so how do I , um, you know, do it?_

_ Red_

 Dear Red, 

I've referred your letter to you to my colleague Capt Harada who offers this advice:

"Loosen her up with a bit of sake, some candelight and a nice meal. Talk a little about "chick tuff"--- you know, family, gardening, etc and then make like it's no big deal and sit by yourself

while she goes off and combs her hair or reads a book. If she comes and sits near you just follow our instincts and do what comes naturally. If Shinpachi can score with this plan then anyone can!

                        # # # # # # # #

_Employment Opportunity_

Wanted Laundry supervisor, preferably male (or a female not prone to fainting at the accidental ight of 100+ naked men.)

Apply Shinsengumi HQ


	4. Vol 4

(Thank you again to everyone who's beenreading and commenting. We're glad you like our odd little view of Rurouni Kenshin and PeaceMaker Kurogane. You know the disclaimer drill we don't own the shows or characters and can't profit from this--if we could we'd be in Japan right not trying to channel the spirits of the great Hijikata and Saitou and maybe Shinpachi for comic relief)

_Anj_–the fluffy white ball thing is part of the rope thing they wore with their uniform to hold their sleeves back–or just be a cool fashion statement–whatever.

_Badgerturtle_–Great minds think alike-- I already had a plan for Susumu and the shinobi babes.

_Lynna_–well, no Red might not act that way but its funny that he does in this fic

The Mibu Times/Dispatch by BarbaraSheridan & Miss Behavin 

Vol. 4 

_In Local News_

This week the Kyoto Town Council passed a new budget with a substantial increase in the allotment assigned to the Public Works Department. This increase in the department's budget will allow administrators to hire an additonal 200 employees for its street cleaning/maintenance division.

All interested parties are asked to apply in person at the office of the Council Chairman. Those with experience in mortuary science and grave digging will be placed at the top of the list. 

In related news the Town Council would like to issue an alert to the person or persons who have been stealing those little pink flowers from the public gardens, crushing them then scattering their petals to the wind.

You have been seen. You will be caught.

# # # # # # # # # 

_Dear Ayu-nee: It's Red again. Do you remember that girl I wrote about awhile ago? Well it took a bit of time but we really hit it off to the point that I was falling in love with her. Unfortunately I found out that she was just using me. She's gone now. Permanently and I just don't know what to do. I feel so alone... ---Red_

Dear Red:

You poor thing. I'm so sorry this didn't work out but please don't shut yourself off from the rest of the world! There wil be other girls, girls more suited to you and who won't betray your trust.

I believe you mentioned a job of some sort? Why don't you concentrate on that for now. Put your entire self into your work and I'm sure you'll be feelign better in no time. 

The one good thing about scars across the heart is that in time they heal and unlike physical scars they aren't visible to remind us of our mistakes and failings.

You take care and keep in touch.

# # # # # # # # 

_Personal Ad_

We're two hot, young, fun-loving gals looking for a few good Choshu men to spend time with. Hungry for more? Stop by the Aoiya and ask for Okon or Omasu, we have some juicy lunch specials you're sure to die for.

# # # # # # # 

_Notice from Saitou Hajime Captain Shinsengumi 3rd Unit_

The pet Captain Okita was given as a replacement for the somewhat lamented dead cat Buttons is named Saizou. That's S-a-i-Z-o-u, NOT Saitou and if I hear anyone else calling that slimy pink beast by my name you will wish you had never been born.. 

# # # # # # # # 

_Official Notice:_

After much consideration and intense private negotiation the ban on pets inside the barracks has been repealed after it was proven that, barring the single incident with my futon, pigs are infinitely cleaner than people in general and Captain Harada in particular. ---Hijikata

# # # # # # # # 

_Personal Ad:_

Words cannot describe the bliss we shared the other night and though I know it's difficult that we cannot be as open as you'd like, please know that you mean the world to me and have since that fateful day back in Bushu, my sweet So-chan. ----H.T. 

# # # # # # # # # 

_Serial Killer Still on the Loose?_

Half of the Shinsengumi's Seventh Unit was decimated in a surprise attack last night while on patrol down near the river. Witnesses assert that the assailant was a lone young woman of average height, slim build, with long auburn hair. She was dressed in men's attire but wore a long blue silk scarf around her neck.

Though it is not known if this is a related incident, the bodies of a three men known only as visitors from the Choshu area were found with multiple stab wounds (possibly from a kunai or shuriken) about four blocks from the initial attack. 

# # # # # # # 

_Reminder_

Dr. Ito Takani will be here the remainder of the week to administer the required physicals to every Shinsengumi member. If you haven't yet done so please stop by the quarters of former Vice-Chief Yamanami to schedule your appointment.

Dr. Takani would also like to remind you that with the onset of colder weather it is imperative for you to safeguard your health no matter how healthy and in shape you appear to be.

Even something as simple as a mild yet persistent cough can signal something serious. And should you experience any intermittent symptoms such as odd tastes in the mouth (example copper) or smelling substances that are not anywhere near you (example blood) please, please don't discount this as "nothing".

Also Dr. Takani would like to remind you all that even though a reputable oiran is highly more expensive than an ordinary woman of pleasure it is worth it in the long run when one takes into account the increased chance of contracting embarrassing and painful skin lesions. 

And Captain Harada your prescription has been refilled. Please stop by the former Vice-chief's quarters to retrieve it. 

## # # # # # # 

Local News

__

The public flower garden on the west side of Mibu was vandalized this week. Anyone having information concerning the uprooting of the entire poppy bed is encouraged to come forward. 

# # # # # # # 

Personal Ad

__

To the tall, attractive, stern looking gentleman who came upon a questionable scene in the corner booth of Kamatari's Sake Shack two nights ago--- What you thought you saw is not what you actually saw. I am in fact a certified medic and was merely checking my companion's seppuku scar as he'd been complaining of severe lower abdominal discomfort.

While I can understand how easy it might have been to misconstrue the sound of him calling "Yessss Shinpachi, yesss, oh yessss. " I can assure you that it was merely to confirm that I had located the precise source of the inflammation and substantial swelling in his lower regions.

And while we _were_ in uniform we were in fact on our officially sanctioned dinner break.

# # # # # # # # 

_Official Notice: Addendum to Internal Regulations_

Effective Immediatelyd

A "Don't ask Don't Tell" policy is now part of this organization's code of 

conduct. ---Hijikata 

P.S. Captain Nagakura when you read this report to me immediately--- If I am not in my office check my private quarters----use the rear entrance.

# # # # # # # # # 

_Response to Personal ad deposited anonymously in subscribers mail slot_

_"To Captain S.H.—Far be it from me to intrude when I'm not asked fo radvice but you appear to be rather tense and out of sorts lately especially when word comes to the compound of the activities of this alleged Battousai person. Perhaos you need a little stress relief on your off duty hours. Perhaps you should try attending one of Captain Okita's massage therapy sessions."_

Are you out of your mind??? Do you have ANY idea what goes ON in those sessions???!!!!! Just thinking about it is enough to make a man go back to smoking.

# # # # # # # # 

_Personal Ad_

Young widower, attractive, demanding career, seeks gentle companionship and/or a date for next Friday's karaoke night and Teriyaki Buffet at the Ikeda-ya.

# # # # # # # # # 

_Personal Ad_

Young woman ---very attractive, well educated from a upper middle class family has just been informed that she is to have an arranged marriage to the "son" of one of her father's political cronies.

I may have to marry a loser but I'm gonna have some fun first!

Who wants to party till they drop????? Bad boy Samurai of any persuasion and Han affiliation encouraged to respond!

—Krazy 'Kio

# # # # # # # # 

Dear Ayu-nee:

It is with great interest that I read the letter form one Mr. Hiko concerning the trouble with his wayward adoptive son. I, too have a "son" I'm concerned about but my son is quite the opposite of the potential delinquent Hiko has raised.

My son, let's call him Oshi, has never given me any trouble , he has been the model student, eager to learn various kenjutsu styles and martial arts as well as general military strategies. He has advanced rapidly in the ranks of our paramilitary organization and was recently appointed to head the organization–and all at the tender age of fifteen!

He has even taken it upon himself to volunteer to be appointed guardian of our former leader's young granddaughter.

My problem? I fear that by being such an overachiever and having so much responsibility as such a young age might prove detrimental to Oshi's well being later in life. I have a nagging feeling that in the future if something should happen to upset his well ordered existence that Oshi will not react in a sensible way....

Am I overreacting? Should I just let the boy do what he does best and lead? 

—concerned "dad" (and satisfied customer of the Aoiya Restaurant and Inn) 

Dear Dad:

I think most parents adoptive or natural have a tendency to worry needlessly about their children. As long as "Oshi" is happy and comfortable in his current situation I advise you to just let him be. It sounds as though you have a close relationship and I'm sure that nothing will ever change that.

# # # # # # # # 

_Personal Ad _

You are a food service manager for a local law enforcement agency. I am the quiet, unassuming fellow in the payroll and petty cash department. I've been fascinated with you since I started this job but am too overwhelmed by your beauty to speak to you during non-working hours when those burly samurai hold court at your feet.

Does a "nice guy" stand a chance?

# # # # # # # # 


	5. Vol 5

(Thank you again to everyone who's been reading and commenting. We're glad you like our odd little view of Rurouni Kenshin and PeaceMaker Kurogane.  

You know the disclaimer drill we don't own the shows or characters and can't profit from this--if we could we'd be in Japan right now stalking the descendants of our favorite Wolf :-D)

And don't forget to check out the companion piece overseen by Miss Behavin–The Meiji Journal

The Mibu Times/Dispatch

by 

BarbaraSheridan & Miss Behavin

Vol. 5

_Notice to Kyoto area parents from Saitou Hajime, Captain Shinsengumi 3rd Unit:_

Incidents of juvenile delinquency are on the rise with four reports of vandalism done to Pro-Tokugawa storefronts in the past week. However amusing it may sound in the retelling there is nothing funny about being hit in the face with a stale rice ball the size of a man's fist. 

We have a description of one of the little ahous—tall, thin with spiky brown hair that reminds one of a rooster–and when he is caught I assure you that his "tender age" will not result in leniency.

# # # # # # # #

_Employment opportunity:_

Currently forming civic leadership groups has need of a trainee in the area of internal security. We are seeking someone of strong constitution and conviction to handle the more "messy" jobs that arise. Discretion is a _must_.

Reply this paper care of Messers Kuobo & Satkura

# # # # # # # 

_Personal Ad:_

My dearest ?

Each day when your patrol parades down the street I can't 

help but watch every move you make. I love the way you 

sneer, the way those few bits of hair fall into your glorious amber eyes....

—your crimson admirer

# # # # # # # #

_Local News:_

Shopkeepers around the city report the shoplifting of small quantities of White Plum Perfume. The perpetrators are unknown and the investigation continues. If you have information contact Shinsengumi Headquarters. 

# # # # # # #

_Notice:_

 Bids once again being taken for laundry services. The ability to _quickly process_ large amounts of heavily stained and torn garments a must!

Contact Chief Kondou, Shinsengumi HQ

_# # # # # # # # #_

_Personal Ad:_

To my blonde shuriken goddess,

I'm sorry about the other night. Duty called, I had to go---the note with your name and contact information was damaged by water...please look for me where we first met in the wee hours.

# # # # # # # # #

_Personal Ad:_

Will the young lady who keeps sending me perfume scented notes please desist immediately! I am engaged and not interested.

S.H.

## # # # # # #

_Notice:_

The meeting of the Young Men's Samurai Association (Choshu Division) scheduled for Next Tuesday at the Ikeda-ya has been POSTPONED. The new day and time will be announced. We apologize for the inconvenience

—Yoshida

# # # # # # # #

_Full Page Ad_

Notice to Kondou and Hijikata:

Yamanami was the last straw! I've had it up to here with your seppuku this and your Aku. Soku. Zan  that. 

Figure out your own Military Advice! I quit! And I' m taking 13 of your best men with me just for spite! And one of them is Capt. Saito! Ha! Bet you never thought I'd get him to quit on you, did you smart guys?!

---Itou                   

# # # # # # # 

_Local News_

 Itou Kashitarou, the Military Advisor to the Shinsengumi, has resigned from his post. At the hastily called press conference Vice-Chief Hijikata said "Several other members have also resigned, including Capt. Hajime Saito, whose departure shocked and saddened his entire unit. Capt. Shinpachi will be in charge of his unit as well as his own until the 3rd Capt. retun... can be replaced."

# # # # # # #

Notice:

All members are reminded once again to view and memorize the Internal Regulations, especially # 1 & 2.

—Hijikata

# # # # # # # #

_Other Local News:_

The Kyoto Town Council has received reports of loud raucous celebrations coming from the vicinity of the Shinsengumi 3rd Unit quarters and is taking into consideration a review of the zoning regulations.

# # # # # # # # #

_Personal Ad:_

To my Dearest ?

Where have you been? I am lost without you, the day are meaningless without seeing you and your group strolling in the sunshine....

I so miss hiding in the shadows and wathing you work.... It used to make me so very excited....

Still I wander, watching, waiting, hoping to draw you out by wearing a unique unmistakable

fragrance....

----your crimson admirer

# # # # # # # # 

_Dear Ayu-nee:_

_A friend directed me to you. My household is in an uproar and I'm at my wits' end! My eldest daughter who was always such a good girl has become nothing short of an oni since her father informed her that she was to be married. She's been disrespectful, has been staying out till all hours....It's a miracle that I've prevented her father from taking drastic measures. What is a mother to do?_

_------At wits' end in Aizu_

Dear Aizu,

This does seem to be the season for parental troubles is it not?  The best advice I can offer is to simply wait it out. Marriages, especially arranged ones are a strain and I'm sure that your daughter will settle down in no time and become quite interested in helping you with wedding preparations once the initial shock wears off.

# # # # # # # # # #

_Personal Ad:_

To S.H.

Take care of that little "problem" we discussed ASAP. The constant partying at your place since you've been gone is driving me nuts. On second thought, I think I know how to fix it....

-- ‑H.T.

# # # # # # # #

_Personal Ad:_

To the crimson freak,

Stop watching me! Stop sending me notes! This had better not be you, Ichimura! 

# # # # # # # #

_Reminder_

Since the room is booked and we can't get a refund on the deposit, Hajime's bachelor party is still happening at 10 p.m. next Friday in the back room of the Midnight Teahouse (the Shimabara teahouse not the dull one on the other side of town).  

Captain Harada assures me that the evening's "entrainment" is a "Hot little number" who goes by the stage name Krazy 'Kio.

There will be plenty of food and drink and I promise not to let the pig get into the dip this time.

—Souji


	6. Vol 6

(Thank you again to everyone who's been reading and commenting. 

Nigihayami Haruko–'Kio is about to get a big surprise...

Gemini1--PMK is fantastic, isn't it?  

Maria Cline---Actually Battousai is the personal ad stalker---of Saitou!

Shihali—The way I see it to the Shinsengumi of this fic the Battousai is like the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy--it's a nice way to explain childish fantasies but he doesn't really exist. :-)

April-san--Thank you , thank you for the kind words and the laughs from your Team Spirits!

        *waves the Oniwabanshu pom-poms!*

Eeevee–I hope you get to see those other PMK episodes. You'll love 'em--well maybe not #9 as it's pretty darn dull....

Souchan–Thank you, and I hope the laugh related falling off a chair incident is covered by the TimesDispatch liability policy :-D Btw–I have a PMK romance type story tucked away in the RK section since they never responded to my request for a PMK category–it's called  Koi ni shishou nashi (There is no teacher for love)

Miss Behavin----I think Harada and his cohort Shinpachi are really growing on me...

Angrybee----I hope you get to see the other episodes of PMK–there are some really good ones.

Lynna—I'm sorry I confused you. The characters aren't behaving the way we're used to seeing  them in RK but then that's part of the fun (for me anyway ;D)

You know the disclaimer drill we don't own the shows or characters and can't profit from this--if we could we'd be in Japan right now stalking the descendants of our favorite samurai.

And don't forget to check out the companion piece overseen by Miss Behavin–The Meiji Journal and while you're at it definitely look for Team Spirits by April-san.  It's guaranteed to make you laugh like a fool.  *waves big foam Aoshi #1 finger*)

So finally---on with the show!

The Mibu Times/Dispatch

by 

BarbaraSheridan & Miss Behavin

Vol. 6

From the Interim Editor-in-chief:

We at the Times/Dispatch hold fast to the high standards of reporting excellence begun by the late Yamanami Keisuke. We are not lurid scandal mongers like some other publications in this town (which are clearly tools of the lying Choshu scum) and though normally we would ignore whatever ridiculous fabrications they choose to spread we feel that it is in the best interest of everyone that the truth be told in a completely objective manner.

Therefore we will examine, point by point, the tall tall tale that the other publication's guest commentator Mr. Yoh Sheeda plastered across Kyoto only yesterday.

1. _Police were summoned to the backroom of the Midnight Teahouse (the Shimabara one not the dull one across town) when a riot broke out between warring factions of That Pack of Rabid Wolves from Mibu. Though they like to think of themselves as Kyoto's premier peace keeping force,  This reporter has seen the women who "work" that particular teahouse and it is quite evident what sort of "Piece" those Shinsengumi hentai were trying to get._

Times/Dispatch:

 While it is true that several of our members were at the aforementioned teahouse last Friday we assure you that they were off-duty.  As far as a "riot between warring factions". Preposterous!! True, some of those attending the bachelor party in that room were former members of our organization but they have no current connection to us whatsoever--especially the guest of honor Saitou Hajime.

2.  _One Okita Souji, a captain with the bloodthirsty wolves lived up to his description when he attempted to maim and kill a number of his former comrades who were doing nothing more than amusing themselves with a song when the party's official  entertainment disappeared with the guest of honor._

Times-Dispatch: 

 Captain Okita is one of the Shinsengumi's most respected members and we strongly object to him being referred to as a bloodthirsty wolf. Futhermore he did not purposely attack those scoundrels who caused the unfortunate accident by their callous taunting over the recent loss of Captain Okita's beloved pet Buttons. 

Captain Okita meant no harm when he drew his katana and wakazashi to slice the cake that was brought in around the same time as those men began to sing "Bye bye Buttons...so sorry to see you hacked....Bye Bye Buttons we'll scrape you up and put you in a sack." It was not Captain Okita's fault when his hand slipped and a few of the men were nicked. Admittedly, some of the cuts were severe and there was some loss of limb and a few unnecessary appendages, but I can assure you that Captain Okita is a fine honorable young man and that he would never willingly harm another human being.

_3.  Several members of the "Elite Shinsengumi" were found in various and sundry lewd positions hardy befitting the "Protectors of Kyoto"._ _I believe these were Captains of the second and tenth squads and another who was of the eight squad until he had the good sense to get out._

Times-Dispatch:

This is yet another of Mr. Yoh Sheeda's fabrications. There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that two of our finest unit Captains were found in a darkened corner with one of their former colleagues "doing it for old times' sake." I have absolutely no idea what Mr. Yoh Sheeda is talking about and neither do Captains Harada or Nagakura.  As for former Captain Toudou Heisuke I cannot comment at all.

_ 4  These so-called Protectors of Kyoto are clearly not protectors of the Emperor, If they were, would they have "replaced" him as they tried to do Friday night?_

Times-Dispatch: 

Surely this is the Most Ludicrous of all his accusations!!! For Mr. Yoh Sheeda's information Vice Chief Hijikata and the Diamyo of Aizu were nowhere near the Midnight Teahouse and if they were surely they would not have become so drunk that they stripped completely naked and dubbed Capt. Okita's pet pig Saizou the new "Emperor". Nor would they have placed him on  a make‑shift "throne" and proceeded to parade him through the teahouse and up tp the roof for him to overlook his glorious capital.  That must have been some other group of drunken revelers. Mr. Yoh Sheeda heard about.

As for the rumors that FORMER Capt. Saito was found the next morning in a series of VERY compromising positions with the night's entertainment one Krazy 'Kio, well he is no longer with this organization and so I can make no comment. 

I will not even do justice to any more of Mr. Yoh Sheeda's ridiculous accusations. I will simply let our record and the ongoing support of the Daimyo of Aizu stand on its own merit.

-----Kondou

# # # # # # #

Official Notice:

There are to be no more off-base parties allowed not even if the room has  been booked with a non-refundable deposit.  And should any type of celebration be allowed within the compound absolutely no one not currently a member of this organization shall be granted admittance.

-----Hijikata

# # # # # # #

Dear Ayu-nee:

Please help me. I am so depressed about the recent death of my closest and furriest friend who was so much more than a pet as some stupid people seem to think. I can hardly stand it. What can I do? Where can I turn?

--------Not sitting pretty without my kitty

Dear Kitty:

You might try searching for a local grief management group and if none are available you might try getting another pet.

# # # # # # # #

Local News:

The orphaned young boy found by Shinsengumi Captain Okita Souji wander the streets of Kyoto  some months back incoherently muttering "Nee-san, Nee-san" and clutching a purple umbrella has been given over to the custody of a merchant family from Shanghai. We wish the lad well.

# # # # # # # # 

Late breaking news:

Former Shinsengumi Military Advisor Itou was found apparently killed by a person or persons unknown. The investigation has been put on hold for lack of evidence.

Notice:

We would like to welcome back to the fold Captain of the 3rd squad Saitou Hajime. It seems that the good captain's resignation was a misunderstanding due in part to the nervousness surrounding his upcoming wedding.

Captain Saitou will return to his duties next week following a short leave while he travels to Aizu to meet his future bride and her family.

# # # # # # # # 

Personal Ad:

Mr. Shishio, we accidentally misplaced your resume, we are much interested in interviewing you again for that position advertised recently. Please contact us VIA LETTER--not with notes affixed to any corpses.

Kuobo & Satkura

# # # # # # # #


	7. Vol 7

[You know the disclaimer drill we don't own the shows or characters and can't profit from this-- oh but if we could....:-D

And don't forget to check out the companion piece overseen by Miss Behavin–The Meiji Journal ]                      ]

The Mibu Times -Dispatch

by 

BarbaraSheridan and Miss Behavin 

Vol. 7

_Front page Ad:_

His Eminence, the Archbishop of  Paris would like to extend His Blessings and gratitude to Matsudaira Katamori, the Daimyo of Aizu and the People of Japan for their most generous monetary gift to help the Sisters of Notre Dame refurbish and maintain their convent and school.

# # # # # #

_Personal Ad:_

To the Crimson Admirer,

My life has been rather complicated of late and I realize now that I may have been a bit harsh with you. Perhaps we can meet some time soon. I often walk along the banks of the Shijyo River when I have free time.

 # # # # # # 

_ Personal Ad:_

Sou-chan, please believe me. It wasn't what you thought the other night. I was performing my duty nothing more. I was obligated to entertain our master to the best of my ability. You know you are the only one for me.

# # # # # #

_In local news:_

Takagi Kojuurou, a government official in Aizu  regretfully announces the indefinite postponement of the marriage between his daughter Tokio and Captain of the Shinsengumi third unit Saitou Hajime. The reason given was that Miss Takagi found it in her best interest to continue her education in the study of Western culture. She (along with her younger sister Tami) will be attending the convent school run by the Sisters of Notre Dame in Paris, France. 

# # # # # # 

_Dear Ayu-nee:_

_I am sick positively sick!!!! It's such a long complicated story but the gist of it is this: I was informed by my overbearing ogre of a father that I was to marry a friend of his boss's. Well his boss is positively Ancient so you can imagine what I thought my "fiance" would be like._

_Anyway, I went a little crazy and ran around Kyoto like a wild woman for a few weeks. I ended up at a rowdy party where I hooked up with the hottest guy ever!!!!_

_He was tall and handsome and dressed in black ---and you would not believe how that man could wield his weapon of choice!!_

_Anyway, the party got raided, he took off andI ended up getting busted and dragged home by my father's boss of all people and then I was grounded until my "fiance" was scheduled to visit and propose formally._

_Well to make a long story short--my hot party guy and my fiance are one and the same!!!  What's the problem you ask??? I'll tell you!!!!_

_Apparently, I got a wee bit drunk and the whole party thing made a bad impression, Mr. Tall Gorgeous and Samurai was not amused and now my father insists on "saving face" by sending me off to a convent boarding school! Can you believe it??!?!??! We're Buddhist for crying out loud!_

_I can't skip out and go back to Kyoto to make things right with Mr. Tall Dark and Mystical because I have this 300 pound female ninja babysitter taking me and my bratty sister to the school. She never gives me a minute alone to even try and contact my man! I have to get in touch with him! What can I do, Ayu-nee??????_

_Krazy in Love_

You stupid wench:

Grow up! Obviously your father did your FORMER fiance a great service by breaking off the engagement! You blew it, honey, so get over it and let that wonderful thoughtful, fantastic man give a decent woman a chance!

You probably couldn't even cook him a decent bowl of soba if your life depended on it, could you? *smirk*

# # # # # #

_Message from the Interim Editor:_

It would seem that Miss Yamazaki is a bit under the weather and regretfully will suspend her advice column for the immediate time being.Vice-Chief Hijikata has volunteered to answer the any remaining letters for this issue.

—Kondou

# # # # # #

_Employment Opportunity:_

The Kyoto Town Council has appropriated more funds for the immediate hiring of Street Cleaners (Mortuary experience desirable) and exterior building maintenance workers (experience in removing stains from walls helpful).

# # # # # #

_Employment Opportunity:_

Wanted kitchen assistant. DETAILED Background Check will be performed. Contact Yamazaki Ayumu at Shinsengumi Headquarters, Mibu.

# # # # #

_Local News:_

Shinsengumi Captain Okita Souji was questioned and released today in a rash of recent flower thefts. The investigation continues.

# # # # # #

_Local News:_

Shinsengumi Captain Saitou Hajime was nearly attacked while off duty by a person reputed to be the Hitokiri Battousai. Following a brief clash of swords the "Battousai" fled into the night. Captain Saitou was not injured and was quoted as saying "If effeminate, perfume wearing school boys are the best the Choshu Scum have to offer well..."

# #  # # # #

_Official Notice:_

There has been a renewal in cases of people coming to the Shinsengumi for compensation for animal attacks. While cat scratch incidents have completely stopped, pig bites are on the rise. Everyone is expected to keep their pets under control at all times. 

AND I DO MEAN EVERYONE ,OKITA!!!!!!!!!!

–Hijikata

# # # # # # #

_Official Notice:_

Recently, many of our finest have been meeting their end in a sudden and mysterious fashion. We fear the Ishin Scum may have some very skilled assassins working for them. Between this person or persons' skills and our own laxity, their activities are beginning to take its toll and all of our patrols are severely short‑handed now. In an effort to improve morale and safety for everyone, we have come up with a training course that should elevate each participant's level of performance in future encounters with the Ishin dogs.

Everyone who has less than a year's experience is expected to attend these courses. For all other members, attendance is voluntary unless otherwise stated:

Defensive Swordsmanship ‑ instructed by Okita Souji ‑ voluntary

 Spear Fighting ‑ instructed by Harada Sanosuke ‑ voluntary

Basic Battle Tactics ‑ instructed by Nagakura Shinpachi ‑ voluntary

Patrolling for Ahous and How to be On-Guard When Off-Duty‑ instructed by Saito Hajime ‑ MANDATORY

–Hijikata

# # # # # #

_Employment Opportunity:_

Well respected law enforcement group currently taking applications for. Superb swordsmanship skills and Shogunate loyalty a must.

Excellent pay and medical plan, meals and uniforms  provided.

Apply Shinsengumi HQ, Mibu __

_# # # # # #_

Dear Ayu-nee:

 I come from a well‑to‑do family, but I am not a samurai. Lately, however, I can not help thinking I should be taking a more active role in the events that are going on around me. I believe strongly in my ideals and I'm not afraid to die for what I believe in. I also think that I could be offering guidance to some of our

 impressionable and disaffected  youth. Should I consider joining an army of some sort? I think I might even make a good leader. Possibly even a Captain.

--‑Souzou S.

Dear Souzou,

 You sound like a fine young man and I whole‑heartedly support your desire to offer a purpose to our  forgotten children–Kami knows we get enough reports of delinquents running wild in the streets. But why simply "join" a pre‑existing army? A man of your obvious intelligence, skill and monetary background should consider forming his OWN army! Then you can be sure that the ideals you fight for are yours.. Just don't get carried away and lose your head.......

—Hijikata

_# # # # # #_

_Notice From Interim Editor Kondou:_

Recently while sitting int eh station of that other Kyoto peace keeping force awaiting the release of some minro acquaintances I had time to thoroughly read over some of the back issues of the Mibu Times/Dispatch. What I found greatly disturbed both myself and Vice-Chief Hijikata. 

Apparently, because those we placed in charge of the various advertising sections have not been paying attention, some of our enemies have actually been able to use the paper to communicate with each other!

 This is unacceptable. Both Vice-Chief Hijikata and myself are EXTREMELY BUSY and do not have the time to hold people's hands while they perform their duties as members of the Shinsengumi even if their tasks is something as seemingly non-vital to security as taking in advertising.! 

YOU should be taking note of what's going on around you and report anything suspicious to your immediate superior AT ONCE! DO NOT wait for THEM to notice!

As a result of this negligence, the members assigned to work in the advertising department have all been dismissed. A new group has been assigned to take over the advertising duties. We hope they will be more diligent in their efforts than their predecessors. 

# # # # # #

_In Local News:_

A half dozen unidentified individuals were found dead yesterday of an apparent mass suicide not far from Shinsengumi Headquarters. This may very well be the work of Choshu assassins and all citizens are encouraged to remain vigilant.

# # # # # # #

_Quarter Page Ad:_

Free trial shamisen lessons given to interested and qualified  young men between the ages of fifteen and thirty. The next round of try-outs will be held in the Choshu area.

Contact Sensei Takasugi c/o this publication for more information.

# # # # # #


	8. Vol 8

 Shihali--

 You haven't seen the last of the Crimson admirer. I think we're finally going to see jsut why Saitou's grudge has lasted sooooo long....And I did give the low down on Tokio---she's been sent to a convent in Paris *snicker*

 Nigihayami Haruko---

 Old Takasugi did manage to slip one past them didn't he? Shamisen lessons indeed *grin*

Maeve Riannon—Ah the irony in the newspaper ad game *grin* And yes, poor Ayu-nee is a tad stressed not to mention the mega crush she's had on Saitou since I wrote my fic Koi Ni Shishou Nashi (There is No Teacher For Love)

Angrybee—So the insanity is contagious is it? Muwahahahaha.

Hakaita—Dear Buttons lives on in spirit...and degrading song.

You know the disclaimer drill we don't own the shows or characters and can't profit from this-- oh but if we could....:-D

And don't forget to check out the companion piece overseen by Miss Behavin–The Meiji Journal ---Interesting things are a brewin' in Tokyo....And Just wait until the Jupon Gatana's internal Report is leaked by Angrybee....

The Mibu Times -Dispatch

by 

BarbaraSheridan and Miss Behavin 

Vol 8

_Front Page Personal Ad:_

My Darling Captain Saitou:

  _"If effeminate, perfume wearing school boys are the best the Choshu Scum have to offer well..."  _

I am crushed that you would say such things about me.  After all if memory serves you were singing quite a different tune when I had you bent over that bench near the river bank and I think it was something like this:

_"Harder yes! Give it to me harder!"_

And tell me, what exactly is up with that colleague of yours--- the girlie looking one who likes to give candy and play with the children near the Temple School? Hmmmmm? 

I'm sure local parents would LOVE to know the details.....

Eternally,

Your Crimson Lover,

Battousai

#  # # # # # # #

_Official Notice:_

Young Ichimura in the accounting department has recently found an unexpected surplus of 15,000 Ryu in our operating budget. Therefore Chief Kondou and I would like to offer the total sum as a reward to the man or men who bring me the head of that Kamidamned Battousai!

---Hijikata

# # # # # # # #

_Ad:_

The Ikeda-ya---a Wholesome Family-Oriented Inn that _does no_t cater to the likes of perverted, child molesting Tokugawa supporters.

Ask about our Festival room specials for out of town visitors.

# # # # # # # 

_In Local News:_

Shinsengumi Captains Harada and Nagakura made numerous arrests of suspected Choshu spies at a male brothel in Shimabara last night. The arrests were a culmination of months of intensive undercover work. Several of those being placed under arrest resisted and Captains Harada and Nagakura had no choice but to execute them.

Congratulations to Captains Harada and Nagakura for their self sacrifice to protect the citizens of Kyoto!

Aku, Soku, Zan!

# # # # # # # 

Shinsengumi Captains Saitou and Okita happened upon a  gathering of fifty so-called Ishin soldiers on the outskirts of town late last night. While the men claimed to be simple pedlars returning from a co-op market in Kobe they could not provide the captains with proper identification in a timely manner and were slain immediately.

# # # # # # # #

_More Local News:_

Also late last night a large group of Choshu Scum including the one reputed to be the Battousai were intercepted near the Shijyo River by the Shinsengumi Seventh Squad. Casualties were stiff on both sides.

# # # # ## # # 

_Notice From Chief Kondou---_

I would like to assure the citizens of Kyoto that Captain Saitou Hajime is not on a personal vendetta against tomboyish young women and schoolboys with reddish brown hair. While it is true that he has arrested , and yes, executed serveral persons fitting the general description given above I can assure you that he was well within his rights in enforcing our laws when said persons could not quickly produce their name. Han affiliation or purpose in being on the streets.

---Kondou

 # # # # # # # #

_Employment Opportunity:_

The Kyoto Town Council has agreed to hire more temporary street cleaners and exterior building cleaners in anticipation of  more civic unrest. 

Apply Council Offices, Kyoto

# # # # # # # #

_Full Page Ad:_

Sakamori's Cosmetiques Emporium has all your hair care and hair colorant needs at exceptional prices!  Come by today and see what they mean when they say "Blondes have more fun!"

# # # # # # # # 

_Local News:_

Following recent public outcry from concerned parents the Kyoto Town Council today voted to provide security checks in and around the Temple Schools. Only legal parents and guardians will be permitted on grounds when school recess is in session.

_# # #  # # # # #_

_Haunting or Hoax?_

Several reliable witness reported seeing what appeared to be a vengeful wraith trying to attack a dozing beggar as he slept beneath a tree near Toriyama Park. According to the witnesses the spirit (which appeared to be that of a dazed yung woman) slithered up behind the young man and attempted to repeatedly strangle him to no avail as her arms kept drifting through his neck. 

The unidentified young victim did not appear to notice and the witnesses were too frightened to wake him. They reported the incident to partolling Shinsengumi Captain in Training Ichimura Tetsunosuke who woke and questioned the alleged victim who denied knowledge of the incident.

_# # # # # # # # # _

_Official Notice:_

ALL troop Captains INCLUDING Officers in Training are REQUIRED to attend nightly briefing sessions before leaving for their assigned patrols. 

In conjunction, Captain Saitou Hajime will be presenting the MANDATORY lecture--Suspect Identification for Ahous. 

---Hijikata

_# # # # # # # #_

_Personal Ad:_

Plagued by poltergeists?  Stalked by spirits? Dogged by demons? Haunted by Hateful ex-wives who try to strangle you when you sleep?

I can help. 20+ years experience in dealing with the mystical world. Free initial consultation. 

Contact: Fujita Gorou c/o this newspaper.

# # # # # # #

_Dear Ayu-nee:_

_When the maiden Sane Akira left me I cast myself into darkness, which was all well and good up to a point but now I realize that eternal life isn't all it's cracked up to be with only a freaky little cat and an even freakier little old squealy-voiced 10,000 year old shinobi for company. After all, one can only play so many games of Go even if they are accompanied by a rather nifty light show._

_Have you any suggestions?_

_Go—ing a bit mad_

Dear Freak:__

You think YOU have problems? Try being ME for an hour after the events of recent days!

—Hijikata

_# # # # # # #_


	9. Vol 9

Nigihayami Haruko–" Oh my, if  that was an unintended innuendo I wonder what an 

                      intended one would be!"  Probably not nearly as amusing :-D

Maria Cline–Thank you thank you, glad you're enjoying it.

FYI–--PeaceMaker #12 mentions an older sister of Okita (no name given) so guess who's  comin' to visit the boys in the blue?

You know the disclaimer drill we don't own the shows or characters and can't profit from this-- oh but if we could....:-D

And don't forget to check out the companion piece overseen by Miss Behavin–The Meiji Journal ---Interesting things are a brewin' in Tokyo....

The Mibu Times -Dispatch

by 

BarbaraSheridan and Miss Behavin 

Vol 9

_Letter from the Editor–_

We would like to take a moment to welcome Okita Aneko sister of Captain Okita Souji to our fair city. Miss Okita will be arriving this week from Edo and Vice Chief Hijikata and I know that you will treat her with all due courtesy and respect as you encounter her within the compound.

I would also like to take this opportunity to announce that the first Miss Miburo Beauty Pageant was a rousing success raising over 200 ryu for our "Bring Me the Head of That Kamidamned Battousai Fund." The pageant winner by a landslide write-in vote was Okita Souji beating out such notable entrants as our own Yamazaki Ayu-nee, everyone's favorite Oiran Akesato, and two unnamed waitresses from the Aoiya.

—Kondou

_Employment Opportunity:_

Yaminobu ninja clan ‑ looking for new members. Also need new leader. All applicants considered.

Apply after midnight in the alley behind Kamatari's Sake Shack.                                                

# # # # #

_Public Notice:_

The Midnight Teahouse (the NICE one not that filthy den of inequity in Shimabara) is changing its name to The White Plum Room effective immediately. We cater to RESPECTABLE actual tea drinking men and women and not the sort of ill-mannered, farm-bred , low-life so-called Samurai who frequent that other place.

Secluded rooms for private functions are booking now for the upcoming Gion Festival.

# # # # # #

_Notice from the Kyoto Town Council:_

The Kyoto business community has requested that we implement a law prohibiting the unauthorized use of storefront curtain poles as spears in street scuffles by passing ronin. Should this ordinance be ignored said ronin will be subject to a stiff fine.

# # # # # #

_Personal Ad:_

To my Shinsengumi Sweetheart,

After my head then are you?  Perhaps I should defer to two of your colleagues whom I've heard so much about at a recently closed male brothel in Shimabara—Harada and Naga-something-or-other.....

So sorry to hear about the canceled wedding Hajime-love, but trust me, you're better off. She wasn't that good in the futon anyway–at least according to the 175 guys I met at a party last week.

Your Crimson Favorite

# # # # # # #

_Employment Opportunity:_

Part-time, evenings, several young women needed for general reception work mainly outdoors. Physical agility a plus, partial reimbursement for uniforms provided.

Apply c/o Matsuya & Co.

# # # # # # 

_Employment Opportunity:_

New hand laundry opening near Mibu needs several laundresses for round-the-clock shift work due to recently acquired contract with a governmental agency. Experience in mending slashes and difficult stain removal a plus.

# # # # # # 

_Local News:_

The Kyoto Town Council has recently signed a deal to purchase more land for a public cemetery as the current ones are filling at an alarming rate.

# # # # # #

_More Local News:_

Citizens reported seeing many moths apparently self-destruct  near an unnamed inn near the river the other day. Witnesses claim that the moths flittered randomly as they tend to do then just sort of broke apart and fell to the ground in assorted pieces as if invisibly sliced to bits.    

The only comment was made by a passing ronin (who looked rather stylish in an off-the shoulder kimono I might ad) who said "It's a pity that they fly like butterflies but only exist in darkness."

# # # # # # #

_Official Notice,_

Everyone MUST notify their Direct Superior if they are having visiting family members stay in their quarters. 

This simple courtesy will prevent embarrassment and discomfort on everyone's part.

‑‑‑Hijikata

# # # # # # #

_Official Notice:_

You are reminded that Okita Aneko is a Lady and Guest of this company and shall be treated with the same respect you would expect shown to your mothers. Muttered comments to the effect of "I wouldn't mind begin tucked in to bed by that," will be dealt with, severely.

—Kondou

# # # # # # # #

_Letter to the Editor:_

Dear Editor Kondou and Gentlemen of the Shinsengumi,

First, I would like to thank you all for the warm welcome you've given me. I realize that I've only just arrived but I can't help but point a few things out that you gentlemen may have overlooked without the calming influence of a regular female presence–Poor Ayu-nee can do only so much as evidenced by her recent bout with exhaustion.

Do write home on a regular basis. At the very least tell your loved ones of the important gains and losses in your lives—It is most discomforting to give someone a toy for a cherished pet who is no longer alive and have them dissolve into tears like a stricken child.

Pick up after yourselves! This place is a pig-sty in every sense of the word!  In fact I do believe that the pig-sty is a much tidier place than the quarters of some Unit leaders *cough* Captain Harada *cough*

If you have a habit of moving about in total silence like, say, Captain Saitou does, _Please_ make your presence known when coming upon unsuspecting persons hanging laundry (and _not _using the curtain of bed linens to spy upon certain co-commanders who might be stripped to the waist and dousing themselves with cool water after privately training).

Sincerely,

Okita Aneko

# # # # # # #

_Personal Ad:_

T,

There's no need to apologize. I wasn't the least bit offended, in fact, I wouldn't mind continuing the late night conversation we began the other day. I found the subject matter to be most stimulating.

A.

# # # # # # # 

_Employment Opportunity:_

Bids currently being taken for an experienced seamstress with experience in banner making. The banners will be pole mounted and rectangular in shape. Approximately 1,000 will be needed within the next 8–12 months.  Apply c/o Postmaster Choshu District.

# # # # # # #

_Official Notice:_

For those of you who may have missed the announcement the assignment for Unit Patrols has changed effective immediately. The new shifts are as follows:

First and Second Units will be on foot patrol from Midnight till 4 a.m.

Third and Fourth Units from 4 a.m. until 8 a.m.

Fifth and Sixth Units from 8 a.m.  Till Noon.

Seventh and Eighth Noon till 4 p.m.

Ninth Unit 4 p.m. until 8 p.m.

Tenth Unit 8 p.m. until Midnight.

—Hijikata

# # # # # # #


	10. Vol 10

MissBehavin–Looks like you're going to have teach that man another lesson about that sneaking business.

April‑san–*blush* Thank you, thank you. You are too kind. I think Aneko's visit is something they'll remember for a long time....

Kyia Star–Amusing is better than totally insipid, yes?

Boring disclaimer thing—I own nothing to do with Rurouni Kenshin, Peace Maker Kurogane or anything of importance, though I will lay claim to Aneko Okita...

The Mibu Times -Dispatch

by 

BarbaraSheridan and MissBehavin 

Vol 10

_Local News_

The 4th Squad under the leadership of late Captain Matsubara Chuuji suffered severe losses as as result of an ambush by assassins of the Choshu Dogs on the steps leading to the Shingen Temple on the outskirts of Kyoto. The 4th squad was on their way to rendezvous with the 3rd squad at the end of their shift when the attack occurred. The rumored Battousai was no reported as beign involved.

# # # # # # #

 _Official Notice_:

By Noon tomorrow, each captain is to recommend two (2) members to replenish the ranks of the 4th squad until the next class of recruits is ready to be put on the street. Captain in Training Ichimura Tetsunosuke will be promoted to full Captain and will oversee the unit.

As per Captain Saitou's excellent suggestion to give young Ichimura the benefit of the experience of our seasoned Captains the 4th squad will begin alternating patrols  with units 1,2 5, 6, 7, and 8 as of tomorrow

---Kondou

 # # # # # # # #

_[Editor's note: Miss Okita has graciously agreed to answer the advice column letters that have come in since the last issue]_

_Dear Ayu-nee:_

_I don't know why I'm writing to you at all since you were so mean to me last time, but I'm desperate! I have no one here to talk to unless you count the gargoyles on the rooftop and they probably only speak French anyway just like the ancient nuns who lok a lot liek the gargoyles. My sister is no help at all since she's trying to "westernize" herself and is acting like Marie Flipping Antoinette. *Ugh*_

_My problem?  It's the same as last time! I'm stuck here in Croissant Hell because I made a fool of myself in front of my HOT HOT HOT fiance who I didn't know was my fiance (it's an arranged marriage thing--don't ask) _

_Anyway, I can't stop thinking about Mr Tall Dark and Sexy Samurai. I hear that low measured voice of his drifting on every breeze, I see those eyes of his looking at me from every dark corner, I feel his hands.....well you get the idea. *sigh*  _

_What can I do, Ayu-nee? How can I apologize for the mistake I made with him? How can I win him back?  How can I get my ogre of a fatehr to get me out of this hell hole????_

_----Going Krazy Pining for my Mibu Wolf_

# # # # # # # 

_Dear Krazy:_

It took some digging but I managed to find the copy of your previous letters. My, but you have gotten yourself into quite the mess haven't you, young lady???  Have you learned your lesson?  I do hope so.  However, far be it from me to lecture anyone on how to behave, let me just say this----Time Heals All Wounds.  It may take a LONG TIME but I'm sure that eventually the wound you've caused your young man  and your parents will mend itself.  All you can do is wait.

If you would like me to speak to your young man on your behalf, tell me who he is by private mail and I'll do what I can to help your cause.

----Your Friend Aneko

 # # # # # # # #

_Official Announcement_:

After some casual checking of company records by an impartial bystander it has been brought to the attention of Chief Kondou and myself that most of our patrol losses at the hands of Choshu Scum Assassins have occurred following overnight leaves and off-duty visits to Shimabara. 

Clearly the distraction of the various physical pleasures to be found in Shimabara is making you men a bit too relaxed and consequently lax in your duties.  As such I have no alternative but to implement the suggestion of our concerned citizen and _prohibit all future over-night leaves and off-duty visits to Shimabara._

Consequently, all undercover surveillance assignments will also be postponed. Therefore Captains Nagakura and Harada are expected to return their "undercover accessories" to Furitake's Fashion Fetish Shop. Please bring said accessories to my quarters first to make certain that all receipts required for a refund are present.

---Hijikata

# # # # # # # #

_Dear Ayu-nee:_

_I'm devastated. My boyfriend suddenly seems disinterested in me.  At first I thought it was the stress of his executive position and then the change of shifts in my own job but now I'm certain that it's something more. And I think the "more" is my sister!_

_They've known each other forever as we all grew up together but lately they seem a bit too "chummy" if you get my drift. She's even begun doing some temporary work at our company. I think she's trying to replace me!  What can I do?_

_----Frantic in the First_

Dear Frantic:

Calm down, calm down! Surely you're exaggerating things. You did say that both you and your man have been under a great deal of stress at your place of employment, did you not?  

Obviously that's the real problem. And this man of yours is an executive?  I take it that you are not? Well that alone is major source of conflict.

Don't even think of blaming your poor sister who I'm certain wants nothing more than your complete and lasting happiness. 

I hate to be blunt but perhaps this relationship is not meant to be. After all, there is a reason why they say do not mix business and pleasure.  

----Your Friend Aneko

# # # # # # #

_Dear Whoever's Filling in for Ayu-nee:_

_My life stinks! Oh it was fine for awhile--I had a good but demanding civillian job for a local para-military group, but then things started to happen._

_ There was trouble with my younger sibling, and then I got a crush on a co-worker who dumped me from the get-go and then I did find a really nice guy but he took off and got killed when he fell in with a bad crows and then I almost lost my job because of the little sneak thief who was hired to help in my department. The last straw came when I totally spazzed and was told to "take a vacation" by my boss._

_What  do to get myself back together?_

_-----Damsel in Distress_

# # #  # # ## # 

Dear Damsel:

Oh, Girl I do feel your pain!!! This is the very same type of thing  that made me pack my bags and say to hell with it, I'm out of here! What you and I both need is a Girl's Night Out and I know just the ticket....You sit tight. I'll be in touch.

---- Your Friend Aneko

# # # # # # # #

_Personal Ad:_

Hey Pretty Lady!

The Thursday Night Kenpo Club isn't the same without you! Hurry back to Edo and don't forget your fan!

---Aoshi and the Boys 

# # # # # # # #

_Announcement:_

I've heard that all recreational leaves have been canceled until further notice and I'm certain that you gentlemen will be looking for wholesome entertainment for your off-duty hours.  As such I would like to let you know that while I'm here I'm available any time of the day or night (except between the hours of midnight and 4 a.m.)  to chat, walk the compund or even share a cup of sake and perhaps a nice round of Go with you. 

Okita Aneko

# # # # # # # # # 

_Half Page Ad:_

 One Night Only !

Next Thursday!

Appearing exclusively at the Ikeda-ya direct from the Edo Castle Kit Kat Club for one night only  are the Yamakita Sisters!

Watch them do their fabled Fan Dance.

 See them gyrate to the beat of the Kodo Drums. 

Be stunned and amazed when they twist their supple limbs into daring positions. 

Slip them a couple ryu and-----well, we don't want to spoil the surprise. Just come on over and see for yourself.

One Night Only !

Next Thursday!

# # # # # # #


	11. Vol 11

MissBehavin–Okita spazz at his big sister??? heaven forbid

Angrybee–Now now Miss Okita is simply a free spirited woman ahead of her time. She wouldn't really do anything to hurt her baby bro...I figure that since Hijikata was rumored to be a ladies' man I'd toss out the first lady whose man he might have been once upon a time at the Shieken Dojo.  *eg*

Shiranai‑Kyuri –It's okay, really, see above. :-)

Again with the boring disclaimer thing—I own nothing to do with Rurouni Kenshin, Peace Maker Kurogane or anything of importance, though I will lay claim to Aneko Okita. Miss Behavin on the other hand is holding out big time--not ;-D

The Mibu Times -Dispatch

by 

BarbaraSheridan and MissBehavin 

Vol 11

_Front Page Ad_:

We at the Ikeda-ya Inn would like to thank the many, many, many patrons who came last Thursday night to view the extraordinary show put on by the Yamakita Sisters. While we are currently negotiating to have them perform again during  upcoming Gion Festival we cannot guarantee anything as they perform singly as well as a team and both appear to have prior bookings already set elsewhere both here in Kyoto and back in Edo.

Now that you've had a chance to sample the fine fare we at the Ikeda-ya have to offer (as opposed to that vile little hole in the wall they call the Aoiya) we hope you'll visit us again for your dining and entertainment pleasure and don't forget to tell your out of town friends and relatives about our special rates for festival goers from the Choshu and Tosa areas.

# # # # # # #

_Entertainment Review_

_by_

_Harada Sanosuke_

"No freakin' way, Shinpachi!" Is what this columnist said to his closest friend when invited to spend a few off duty hours at that Kami-forsaken little roach motel called the Ikeda-ya. Was I ever wrong and was I ever glad that Shinpachi put on that cute little pouty face of his to get me to change my mind.

Let me tell you, the show we saw from the masked dancing babes billed as the Yamakita Sisters was beyond belief!!!!! These girls were hotter than Mt. Fuji after an eruption and their "peaks" were better formed than anything Mt. Hiei has to offer! And let me tell you,  their Southern Hemispheres were enough to die for.....__

The things they did with those fans was indescribable and while I'm not one to brag I've been with plenty of "flexible" women but let me tell you, the taller sister ( I think her name was Ani ) could kick higher and lift her legs into positions that did not seem humanly possible while wearing 3 inch single platform geta.

I've only ever seen one person come close to performing a feat like that, but let's face it, as cute as Souji is he ain't no hot to trot dancing babe. *wink* __

Apparently the Yamakita sisters hail from some club back in Edo and I know if I find myself down that way I'll be looking them up and suggest you do the same.....

_# # # # # # #_

_Announcement from the Editor:_

I hope you'll all join me in welcoming back from vacation Yamazaki Ayu-nee.  Ayu-nee is looking quite vibrant again and assures me that she's eager and ready to start feeding you men the hearty meals you've been desiring while she was away.

As you see her in the compound or in the mess hall I'm sure I can count on you all to give her a warm welcome back and let her know just how much we appreciate her.

# # # # # # # __

_Official Notice:_

_ALL_ Shinsengumi members are reminded to look at their employee handbooks, particularly the section covering meal and break times. Each squad captain has been given new meal/break schedules to reflect the recent patrol shift changes.

MEAL BREAKS ARE TO BE TAKEN AT SPECIFIED INTERVALS and ONLY by the units indicated. EVERYONE CANNOT take their meal break at once or at the same location simply because it's convenient or in the case of the events of last Thursday a "fun place" to eat.__

Furthermore the Ikeda-ya is OFF LIMITS to Shinsengumi Personnel effective Immediately. 

Although we can't yet prove anything we "know" it's a haven for the Choshu Scum and you all are perfectly aware that they would like nothing better than to have us all gathered in proximity to do us bodily harm.

-----Hijikata

# # # # # # # #

_In Local News:_

The First Squad under the command of Captain Okita Souji was nearly ambushed by a group of assassins purportedly led by the one who calls himself the Hitokiri Battousai. The skirmish was a difficult one with heavy losses on both sides but luckily the tide turned in our favor with the chance arrival of Vice-Chief Hijikata Toshizou and Miss Okita Aneko.  The vice chief dispatched several of the lowly scum with his fabled Hirotzuki and Miss Okita bravely engaged the alleged Battousai in hand to hand combat going so far as to inflict  rather sizable gashes on his cheek and head with her iron fan  as well as some damage to his ribs and limbs via her impressive kenpo attack  which sent him scurrying for cover like the pathetic little effeminate coward that he is.

Evidently, the Vice Chief  and Miss Okita had been looking for the patrolling Captain Okita to administer the cough remedy he had forgotten to take before starting his nightly patrol.

In typical good humor Captain Okita was quoted as saying, "Now this proves to Chief Kondou that forgetfulness isn't such a  bad thing."

When questioned about her fighting prowess Miss Okita said, "It was nothing, just a bit of this and a touch of that which I managed to pick up from tutoring the boys back at the old Shieken Dojo and the sweet young lads I've been working with recently  at Edo Castle."

When asked why she would thrust herself into such a dangerous situation armed with nothing but her own quick reflexes and a fighting fan Miss Okita looked to Captain Okita and said proudly, "No one tries to hurt my baby brother and gets away with it."

# # # # # # # # #

_Official Notice_:

To put an end to the flurry of needless paperwork flooding our inboxes Vice-Chief Hijikata and I would like to inform you all that NO TRANSFERS TO THE EDO AREA ARE POSSIBLE. And NO YOU MAY NOT quit your position here and enlist in the Edo Castle Oniwabanshu Guard.

You are reminded to reread Article Two of the Shinsengumi Code and to visit the resting places of former members Yamanami, Itou and Toudou to make the consequences clear.

---Kondou and Hijikata

# # # # # # # 

_In Local News:_

A vandal or vandals struck last night in the Mibu area painting defamatory remarks against the Shinsengumi on various walls and storefronts. Examples of the cryptic graffiti were:

_Pick on me and I'll tell my sister!_

_My sister has bigger balls than all the Mibu Wolves combined._

_You call me effemiinate but I didn't win a beauty pageant, Captain Okita._

A reward leading to the arrest and execution of the perpetrator(s) is available, inquire Shinsengumi Headquarters, Mibu.

# # # # # # # # # 

_Announcement from Ayu-nee:_

Jsut a note to let you all know that I'd be happy to spend some wholesome free time with you while the ban on Shimabara is in effect. Like Aneko-dono I'm available for anything to help pass the time with you--a talk, a walk, a game of shogi--one on one or two or three on one. Feel free to stop by the kitchens or my room any time of the day or night.

# # # # # # #

_Full Page Personal Ad:_

To the red-headed ahou:

I do believe that YOU were the one who had his/her/its SCRAWNY ASS KICKED by a GIRL!!!

----Hajime 

# # # # # # #

_Reminder:_

Ayu-nee and I will be going to the marketplace tomorrow If any of you gentlemen who are on duty have anything you'd like us to purchase for you while we're out please do let us know. So far we've a list with such things as candles, iron nails and rope.

Okita Aneko


	12. Vol 12The final issue

Alas, the wonder that is PeaceMaker Kurogane the anime will have come to an end by the time you read this *sigh* Let's hope they give us some tie-in movies or OVAs. Also the restaurant mentioned in the first section is that mentioned in the tie in fic "Hijikata, Your Goose is Cooked"

  
  
Mibu Times-Disptach

VOl. 12

by BarbaraSheridan & Miss Behavin

_Letter from the Editor--_

  
We apologize for the tardiness of this issue, which we attribute to certain unforeseen internal difficulties involving a series of legal matters resulting from our temporary association with a local restaurant. In any event, we bring you the latest from Mibu and the surrounding area.

---Kondou

# # # # #

Official Notice!

The library adjacent to my quarters is not--repeat--NOT the Shinsengumi free lending library! Anyone caught taking my books will commit seppu---well maybe not commit seppuke per se but they will most certainly NOT be allowed to indulge in after dinner candy treats!

  
----Hijikata

# # # #

_Amendments to the Internal Regulations_

1--Anyone caught carelessly leaving loose vegetables in the compound causing unsuspecting superiors to fall will commit seppuke--even if they have already done so at a previous point in time.

2--Anyone caught quoting amateurish haiku in the vicinity of the Fukouchou's quarters will commit seppuku.

3.--Anyone caught laughing at anyone who quotes the aforementioned bad haiku will commit seppuku.

4--Anyone even THINKING of quoting or laughing at amateurish haiku will commit seppuku---Capt. Saitou IS psychic you know and he WILL read your mind.

5--Anyone who even remotely thinks of suggesting that we raise additional operating funds by taking part time jobs will commit seppuku.

# # # # #

_Notice from the Maintenance department:_

Please use care when trying to open jammed shoji doors especially those less sturdy doors attached to linen closets. We are renting this compound and are responsible for any ensuing damages when our lease expires. Thank you.

# # # # #

_Reminder from the laundry service_

Please remember to sew or mark your initials in your clothing. We have many multiple sizes and colors of uniforms and accompanying garments and to get your garments returned to you we must be able to identify you.

  
Also to the gentleman who inquired about extra services not covered by our agreement with Chief Kondou--Yes, we will be happy to offer additional laundering services for your fundoshi as needed for a very nominal fee.

# # # # #

_Paid Advertisement--_

As Captain Okita Souji's elder sister I ASSURE you that the person proclaiming himself or herself to be my brother and committing heinous atrocities in and around Kyoto is an IMPOSTER! My brother has never worked in a boys' teahouse and he would never ever, EVER wear as ugly a kimono as has been reported on the IMPOSTER.

Okita Aneko

# # # # # # #

_Paid Advertisement--_

The Ikeda-ya will be closing for remolding and change of management effective immediately. We regret the inconvenience and invite all you out of town visitors to visit our sister inn in the lovely domain of Satsuma.

# # # # # 

Full Page ad

Lord Matsudaira, Daimyo of Aizu and Protector of Kyoto wishes to invite you all to a celebration in honor of the Shinsengumi's rousing defeat of the contingent of Choshu Swine who recently attempted to disrupt our government and defile our beloved Emperor Komei. 

  
As a gesture of thanks the Aizu Han by order of the Shogun and His Divine Excellency The Emperor Komei will be awarding a sizeable monetary reward to the members of the Shinsengumi (excluding those of course who were off duty and in the infirmary the night of the Ikeda-Ya Incident) 

# # # # # #

_Official announcement from the Imperial Palace_:

  
His Divine Excellency the Emperor Komei is not on his deathbed and does not have smallpox. He merely ate something that did not agree with him and we expect him to be up and around and fully recovered in no time.

# # # # # # 

Missing Person Report:

  
The family of the proprietor of the Masuya second hand store reports that Mr. Masuya has not been seen for almost a week. If anyone has information on him or his possible whereabouts please respond care of this newspaper.

# # # # # #

_2 Page Ad_

SHIMABARA WELCOMES YOU!

  
The business owners and residents of the Shimabara district would like to extend a warm and friendly welcome and invite all the men of the Shinsengumi to visit our late night business district during their next overnight leave following their next pay day.

# # # # # #

_Letter from the Editor:_

  
It is with great regret that the Mibu Times-Dispatch will suspend publication following distribution of this issue. It appears that we will soon be losing our lease on these premises and will have to relocate. We are currently looking at properties in the Toba-Fushimi and Hakkodate areas. While this is out of our usual circulation area we will gladly accept continued subscriptions to this publication once our new address has been announced.

---Kondou

Thank you thank you for al the hits and reviews!!!! This was a fun fic and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. BarbSheridan


End file.
